So one of my best friends had a medieval fantasy wedding

congalineofdurin:

at a hella cool castle

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the groom channeled Thranduil and the Baratheons

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the bridesmaids were elf maidens

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the court jester and town crier were there

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the cakes were gorgeous

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luckily a friar was passing through town who was able to officiate (“mawwaige,” he said, “is what bwings us togevver today”)

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the bride’s chariot was pulled by the most beautiful creature

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unfortunately, as with all medieval weddings, there is the dragon problem

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(via sexually-stroke-my-wings-dammit)

mondoodoo:

so i was looking up off bug spray ads and i was expecting to see some lady on a lawn chair with a bottle of bug spray but instead i saw

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then i came across this gem

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and this last one was pure gold

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god bless you off bug spray

(via draco-you-littleshit)

  • DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
  • Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
  • DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
  • Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
  • DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
  • Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
  • DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
  • Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
  • DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
  • Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
  • DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
  • Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
  • DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
  • Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
  • DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
  • Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
  • DC: Wait-
  • Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
  • DC: I didn't-
  • Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
  • Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
  • Marvel: PEACE

stoar-punk:

trashpunx:

shit-in-yer-cereal:

tastefullyoffensive:

Notes from Management [ardentleprechaun]

how is he not fired

I want to be Shane’s friend.

I aspire to be Shane

(via sexually-stroke-my-wings-dammit)

moosecannoncop:

trying to sing both parts in a disney song like

A WHOLE NEW WORLdon’t you dare close your eyes

A HUNDRED THOUShold your breath it gets better

I’M LIKE A SHOOTING STAR, I’VE COME SO FAR, I CAN’T GO BACK TO WHEREa whole new wooorrlllEVERY TURN A SURPRIwith new horizonEVERY MOMENT GETS BETTER

(via clintbartons)

pipluptimemachine:

stopdreamingstarttrolling:

he just can’t let it go

None of us will let it go

(via sexually-stroke-my-wings-dammit)

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

(via draco-you-littleshit)

the-monstrumologist:

ydrill:

Enjoying bath

OH
MY
GOD
HOW
FUCKING
CUTE

(via draco-you-littleshit)

destiel-is-superwholocked:

babyyoureacriminal:

chosenprat:

I punched a guy bc he was making rape jokes and one of the things he said was “what’s the difference between yes and no? Nothing” so I asked him if he’d care if I punched him in the face and he said yes but I did it anyway since there’s no difference between yes and no and that’s the story of how I gave someone a bloody nose

Can We All Just Applaud This Person?

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(via emmagrant01)


Incessant fangirl.
Reblogger.
Cat lady.

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